Another Year

Yet another year has passed on the calendar - and in our wait as well.

Apparently, while I wasn't looking, we passed our 4 year LID. I can say that I don't give our adoption much thought these days. It doesn't seem real and I honestly don't believe that it will happen for us.

We have a 'bail out' date in our mind and unless things change and speed up quickly, we are not going to make it. I think that waiting 8 years for an adoption is ridiculous and we won't be waiting that long.

There are so many things we did wrong during the preparation for this adoption. So many questions that we didn't ask and so much misinformation we got from our agency. If we were to do it all over again, we wouldn't.

Apparently I am a little bitter today...

On that note, I wish the one or two remaining readers that I have a Happy and Healthy New Year! May the wishes you have for you and your family be realized.

Until next year...

Really??

You've got to be FRACKING kidding me!!!

There is a website out there - CHINA ADOPTION FORECAST that predicts, based on the previous patterns, when you can expect your referral.

The last batch of referrals - released this week - was for FOUR days. With 229 days from April 21, 2006 (current date they have processed up to) and our LID - the prediction is: MARCH 2015!!!

Only two months ago it was October 2013 - how quickly things can change.

This date means for us:
- An almost 9 year wait for our daughter - at this point in time.
- An extra $6000 (at this point in time) in fees from our agency
- Pretty much NO HOPE left that we will ever see her face
- A brain that just can't process this any more

Time for our thinking caps - do we want to stay in a program that is virtually dead? Do we believe that this will ever happen? Can we mentally keep our heads where they should be to see this through? Do we want to be that age that we will be when and if this ever happens to bring our daughter into our family? How much faith do we put in this website? How much faith do we put in the CCAA that they won't end the program? How much faith do we keep in the CCAA that they MIGHT speed up?

How much longer do we keep this portion of our life on hold for a dream that might never come true?

We are running out of faith quickly...

I Remember...

I remember when I used to think that blogging was one of the best things ever.

I remember when I used to walk around thinking and composing blog posts in my head all day.

I remember when I used to plan things that I could blog about.

I remember when I thought that I was actually going to get a daughter from China.

I remember when I was so excited thinking about the impeding referral of our daughter.

I remember when I wanted to stay home all day and read adoption blogs.

I remember when I believed what our agency told us.

I remember when I this blog held MUCHO importance to me.

I remember when I was not so cynical about the whole process.

I remember when Dolores and I would talk about our trip to China together to bring home our daughters.

I remember when I was so naïve about adoption related things.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter in summer 2007.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by the end of 2008.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by 2010.

I remember the day our agency told us not to expect a referral before 2015.

I remember the moment I lost all faith in our adoption.

Work vs. Personal

Last week at work, I received an e-mail from a business associate. This associate is NOT someone that I have ever met in person. In actuality, this was the first correspondence that I have ever had with her.

The e-mail was in response to a business question that I was asking.

Her response back to me was signed off with “Have a Blessed Day”.

What people choose to say or not say in their personal e-mails is their business. However, I don’t feel that this was an appropriate sign off for business correspondence.

Thoughts?

Hair Update...

As a follow up to the HAIR post - I have more thoughts and answers to questions...

I was reminded (thanks Kerri) by a reader on the HAIR post about nose hair - that is icky too. While I thought and contemplated nose hair (I know, I know) - EAR hair popped into my mind also - ICK!! I am not a fan of either one of those.

A reader asked what else goes on in my brain if I am blogging about hair - Michele - I think it would scare you to know what goes in inside my brain - TRULY!!

I would also like to clarify that Mark does not WAX his chest.

I do think that hair grooming is something that guys just don't talk about. Not being a guy I wouldn't really know - but that is my guess.

Now rogue eyebrows just popped into my head...

O.k. time for another topic!!

Freaked out!!

We received a bag of 'stuff' from some friends for Pumpkin. We are so lucky to receive hand me downs for her eventual arrival.

The other day we were going through the bag while in our bedroom. We sorted the clothes into sizes, sorted out the toys and repackaged everything to put in storage. We somehow left a toy on the dresser. The packages were all packed and put away so the toy just sat there. It sat there for a couple of days. Not doing anything - just sitting there.

A few nights ago, I was quietly sleeping away and I was awoken to the sound of a child laughing. Like CHUCKY laughing. It wasn't the least bit funny. You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and you know that something woke you up but you need a minute to figure out WHAT it was that woke you? Well I lay there thinking that. Then I heard a noise - a laughing child - creepy laughing. I happen to be looking in the mirror on my dresser when the noise happens and I see flashing lights.

I quickly realize that it is this toy on the other dresser that is making this noise. I figure it is just going to stop. It doesn't stop. About once a minute it makes this creepy laughing noise and a 'boing' noise. The lights are going and I am freaked out.

I wake up Mark (he can sleep through anything). I ask him to 'take care' of freaky outy toy as I am slightly spooked. He sleepily gets up and takes the 'toy' down to the basement so that we can't hear it anymore.

He comes back upstairs and figures that since he is up he will use the bathroom. Well he turns on the light and it goes POP! You know the sound it makes when it suddenly burns out.

I am FREAKED! For those who know me in real life, know that that is not me. I don't get freaked by this kind of stuff. Now I have it in my head that there is an 'energy' in the house and there is a ghost watching us.

But I go back to bed, finally fall asleep again and wake up in the morning and brush it off in the light of day.

Skip ahead a couple of days to this morning. I get up this morning and come downstairs. Mark has already left for work. I notice that the 'tree' in our living room has the lights on. You know those little white twinkle lights? So I call Mark at work. I ask why he put the lights on on the tree. He says that he didn't put the lights on and he figured I did and didn't know why I would but didn't give it another thought.

I didn't put the lights on...

So I started this post because I just sat down at my computer and I was checking my e-mail and POOF - the twinkle lights on the tree just turned off. While I was sitting here looking at the tree. They just went poof...

Not quite sure what to think of these happenings. We have lived here for 5 1/2 years and NOTHING like this has ever happened and now we are talking a few incidents in a week???

HMMM

I wonder...

I wonder a lot these days...

Will I still have this blog in another 4 years when our referral is expected?

Will anyone still be reading it?

Will everyone that was behind me in line have switched to the Special Needs program?

Will blogging be so...passe in 4 years.

Will blogger be able to handle 4 more years of blogging space.

Will everyone ahead of me in line be too busy with their kids to even notice that we have our kids.

Will we EVER get our child from China?? Really? I don't believe it anymore...