You Can't be Serious!!

In January 2006 we began our journey to our daughter from China.

During that time, there have been many ups and downs in relation to our adoption. As time went on, the ‘downs’ significantly outweighed the ups.

A while ago – maybe a year or two – our agency instituted a new fee that they called an ‘administration fee’. They ‘sold’ the fee by saying that things in China were slowing down and they needed the money to develop and look into new programs in international adoption. I was furious. I really don’t care about other programs, I care about MY program. This admin fee was used to keep my file active also. My file is sitting on a shelf in China and has been since December 6, 2006. I honestly don’t know what they are required to do with my file over there.

Whatever…

On Friday afternoon – at 3:38pm, we – and others from our agency – received an e-mail from the board of directors informing us that the ‘admin’ fee has just been increased by 500% to $1200/year – EFFECTIVE MONDAY!!

OH YES!!

SOOO – The cost has increased 500% in the last two years – who is to say that it isn’t going to increase another 500% in the next year or the year after. Who is to say an ADDITIONAL $20,000 later there will be a baby at the end. Who is to say that after our agency has bled us dry we will be afford to travel to China. Who is to say that after this blackmail and if it gets paid, our agency goes bankrupt what then?

I am LIVID – that doesn’t even seem to be the word that fits. With an anticipated five year wait still ahead of us, that is an additional $6000 - at THIS point in time - on an adoption that may or may not even happen!!!

There were no cost cutting measures added or included with the e-mail. No reductions in pay, no 4 day work week, no changing offices to pay less rent, no asking for volunteers instead of paying staff, no NOTHING – well except for the demand for money to cover whatever…

We can’t call and complain either, as they have been instructed (and this started a while ago) to not talk to clients if they get irate – they are told to hang up on us. They apparently don’t have to deal with the problems caused by anything.

So what happens to our file if our agency DOES go under? Anyone know? Right now I am not sure that I care about any of it anyway. Anyone else had additional fees instituted by their agency?

AAGGGHHHH!!!!

I Remember...

I remember when I used to think that blogging was one of the best things ever.

I remember when I used to walk around thinking and composing blog posts in my head all day.

I remember when I used to plan things that I could blog about.

I remember when I thought that I was actually going to get a daughter from China.

I remember when I was so excited thinking about the impeding referral of our daughter.

I remember when I wanted to stay home all day and read adoption blogs.

I remember when I believed what our agency told us.

I remember when I this blog held MUCHO importance to me.

I remember when I was not so cynical about the whole process.

I remember when Dolores and I would talk about our trip to China together to bring home our daughters.

I remember when I was so naïve about adoption related things.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter in summer 2007.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by the end of 2008.

I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by 2010.

I remember the day our agency told us not to expect a referral before 2015.

I remember the moment I lost all faith in our adoption.

Can it be true???

Apparently we are out of the Review Room!! We have not officially been informed by our agency, nor have they updated their website to say so, but EVERYONE out there in cyber world knows that it is true!!

OMG! I am in shock! It only too 16 3/4 months to get there!

What this means is that our file has been reviewed and scrutinized by the people in China and we have been found worthy. You can read more about it here.

Next step is the MATCHING ROOM! How exciting is that! Our file IS IN THE MATCHING ROOM!

There is still a LONG road ahead of us, but I am glad to report that we have taken another step in the right direction.

Congratulations to Dolores & Shawn who have also made it through!! PHEW!!!

1 year ago today...

...I found out what a blog was and started one (thanks Jenn)!

This is also the day that I joined the most AMAZING group of online adoptive parents.

I have had the privilege of meeting MANY families and families in waiting. Just take a look at my side bar to see that people that I have met - and those are ONLY the one that have a blog - there are many that do not have a blog.

There are friends that I have met through this blog that will/have become lifelong friends and I am grateful everyday that they are in my life.

There are SO MANY ups and downs on this journey - Mark and I are SO lucky to have such amazing people here to support us - both online and off line - cyber friends and friends and family in real life.

Thank you for the wonderful support - it is INCREDIBLY appreciated by both Mark and I and one day we will bring home our daughter and it will all be worth it!

Thoughts

I have really slacked off on posting lately. There are many reasons for this...

We have been busy - that is really not a reason - we are and have always been an incredibly busy couple. We are so lucky to have so many great friends and family that we are always on the go.

Another reason for the lack of posts is that there is really nothing to say...I am sure, as readers, you only want to read and see pictures of our friends and family so much and it is really not exciting to you. You are looking for something with substance and meaning or something funny and entertaining. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to post stuff when there is not substance to it. I am also one of the LEAST creative people that I know and I can't just whip off a thought provoking post or a really funny well written post either. I am MUCH better at communicating in person rather then the written word.

This blog is supposed to be about our adoption journey - well we are certainly taking the slow boat to China and things are progressing at a snails pace. There is nothing to report on the adoption front. Nothing is happening. I don't know when something will happen. No we will not get our baby before summer or Christmas. We probably wont get our baby before NEXT summer or Christmas. We are HOPING to get our baby for summer 2009!!! YES 2009! No I am not kidding. Yes I am serious. No there is nothing I can do to speed it up. Yes we're sure this is what we want. No we can't pursue two adoptions at the same time. Yes we would like a speed up. No there probably won't be a speed up. Yes the wait will continue to grow. No I don't have any new news.

Other reasons for the lack of posts is that I feel censored on this blog. I don't really say what I want to all the time. There are things that REALLY irritate me and thoughts I would love to express about this whole process that I can't voice in an open forum like this. I do worry about the 'blog police'. Even if I went password protected, there are things that I still wouldn't post about. These are things that I can only share with a select few and that I wouldn't be willing for those thoughts to be put on paper as I would fear the repercussions of those words. So as much as this is a journal of our adoption, our wait and our thoughts - this is a edited edition of the live version.

So there you have it - a little snippet of what is going on in my head these days. I am going to try to post more often, but if I don't I don't. Rest assured when there is "something to report" about the baby - I will post it here and you will hear about it - until that time, things might be a bit sporadic...

Waiting Mommies Dinner #3

Last night we had our 3rd Waiting Mommies Dinner! As always, we had a great night. These women are so wonderful and I thoroughly enjoy spending time with all of them.

Last night we had (Back - l to r) Andrea (who says she is going to get a blog), me, Paula and Catherine.

Front row - Jill, Kathy and Laurie.

Once again we had 'D' who took the photos. Next time we get together, 'D' should have her referral - HOW EXCITING!!!

There were presents last night too!! But they have slowed down as we have all mostly exchanged with each other already. Thank you to 'D' for the great picture frame, 'pillow' and square. Thank you to Andrea for the receiving blanket, the socks and the head band. Thanks to Kathy, Jill and Catherine for the treats!!

I am so lucky to have found these wonderful ladies and had the opportunity to spend time with them and call them friends. Also "Pumpkin" will be lucky to have these ladies and their children in her life!

This is a LONG journey and wait is a hard one, but spending time with these wonderful people and meeting other great people has certainly made everything more bearable! Thank you!!

My Rant...

I do know that wait time for referrals in China are increasing. I get that – what I don’t get is that 1 month ago when we were DTC, our agency told us that we would have about a 15 month wait from LID. I do also understand that this is their best guess. However, just TODAY we were told to expect an 18 month wait!!! If the wait keeps going up 3 months every month...I just can’t even start to think about that...

Not to harp on this (but I will anyway), in January of 2006 we were told that if we started THAT DAY our paper chasing, that we would have our baby by June 2007. I had a hard time with THAT wait...

Now, with everything crossed, we are HOPING that we will receive our referral by April of 2008 with travel in June of 2008...I don’t even want to talk about the Beijing Summer Olympics and how that will affect us – remember what happened in Korea when that that country hosted the Seoul Summer Olympics...

There was some explanation in our weekly newsletter from our agency about how the process works: As you know, families’ files are logged in some 2-4 weeks after their arrival in China. This becomes your LID or log in date. Files from agencies all over the world are recorded in similar fashion. On any given log in date, there could conceivably be hundreds of files recorded, as there are about 150 agencies working in China. For the CCAA, this LID is the only number that is meaningful. Our group numbers are largely irrelevant for it is your LID that is key.

Every month the CCAA looks at the number of children it has on file waiting for families. It then assesses how many families it can match that month, and the log in time frame covered. For instance if there are 500 children waiting, and 500 families files logged in over a two-week period, then that two weeks is the matching period. If there are three weeks of log in dates, then the matching time is three weeks. This matching process occurs once a month. Referrals are then sent out and there is no more matching until the next month. We have heard projected waits from 18-24 months. Realistically no one knows, not even CCAA, as no one can predict the number of children that will be waiting for families, and what other factors might arise to affect matching. Right now we are advising families in waiting to prepare for an 18-month wait from log in to referral.
So that is the latest news that I have on the wait times…When you couple that on top of the 3 years it has already been trying to expand our family...I just didn’t imagine becoming a mother for the first time this late in life...AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

While I am on this rant, I might as well also say that how come the American people who adopt from China get to go to China up to 3-4 weeks earlier to get their babies then Canadians?? There are some families who received a referral on November 2nd and they will be home before the end of the year with their babies and some Canadian families who got a referral the same day don’t even depart for China until January???? How is the process so different for each country?

I am happy for the people that have recently received their referrals – I REALLY am, perhaps I am just envious that they are so far ahead of us in line...

I am actually at a point now that I don’t want to tell anybody that I have ANY good news – adoption related or not – whenever I start out with “I have some news” (or something else to that effect) they think we are getting our baby next week. I have explained OVER and OVER that that is NOT the case, but that is what people think anyway. I keep explaining that it is going to be 2008 and NOT any sooner, but...well others in my position know the rest...I know they have good intentions and only want us to be happy but continually saying that next year at this time your baby will be here, or that this is your last ‘babyless’ Christmas is upsetting. I almost want to apologize for not having our baby here sooner...

And just to continue with this rant, why is it when you think you are posting a picture on Blogger and it says ‘DONE’ there is no picture in your template?? Where did it go? Why does it work sometimes and not other times???

O.k. I’m good now, I’m done ranting...

WE GOT APPROVAL!!!

ORIGINALLY POSTED SEPTEMBER 29, 2006 - 9:16PM

Today we received a call from our adoption agency informing us that our HOMESTUDY was approved by the Ministry!!!

The translation has now begun. It will take approximately 4 - 5 weeks for this to be completed and forwarded to China.

So now the long wait begins!!!!