I remember when I used to think that blogging was one of the best things ever.
I remember when I used to walk around thinking and composing blog posts in my head all day.
I remember when I used to plan things that I could blog about.
I remember when I thought that I was actually going to get a daughter from China.
I remember when I was so excited thinking about the impeding referral of our daughter.
I remember when I wanted to stay home all day and read adoption blogs.
I remember when I believed what our agency told us.
I remember when I this blog held MUCHO importance to me.
I remember when I was not so cynical about the whole process.
I remember when Dolores and I would talk about our trip to China together to bring home our daughters.
I remember when I was so naïve about adoption related things.
I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter in summer 2007.
I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by the end of 2008.
I remember when our agency told us we would have our daughter by 2010.
I remember the day our agency told us not to expect a referral before 2015.
I remember the moment I lost all faith in our adoption.
15 comments:
Michelle, you have no idea (Oh, wait YES YOU DO) how I relate with every word you wrote. This by far has been the worst experience of my life.
Sure saps the joy out a wonderful experience.
I never thought anything could be more difficult or more soul sucking than fertility treatments. Turns out, there is.
I'm so sorry.
Big hugs, my friend. It just sucks.
I am so sorry. It shouldn't be this way. Huge hugs to you.
I am sorry.
This process is horrible. Two Kayaks said it- soul sucking.
Hang in there
Sending you **HUGS**. I have no words.
I remember all that too. Just like K1 said, it has been one of the most soul sucking experiences. To have people make promises, then go back on what they said when they're suppose to be the experts is incredible to me.
At least, we have each other...
I have no words that would be enough to comfort you.
Keep smilin!
i know your pain. i know your pain.
this is the ultimate SUCKFEST.
but damn it man i am not giving up hope. not yet. not for you. you can. you are SO entitled. but we'll hang onto to it FOR YOU.
sorry to say but your agency cannot predict the future. or when it will happen. things DO CHANGE. even china. they've proven that before.
so even if it's only by one tiny thread... even if that's all you have left. make a knot. lots of them.
and keep ranting and leaning on those who totally, completely, entirely GET where you are.
Michelle, I just found your blog again. I'm so sorry for your pain. Sadly I understand it too well, when I had no choice but to stop my adoption and start all over again. There was nothing like knowing it was over and wondering what next. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Kate formerly in England, now in Canada next week!!!
So sorry for all the pain (and we thought it was tough waiting the 31 months!!).
You want a family, you want to take care of a child. It will happen. Be open to it. Keep living each day as long as it is a step towards your child. It is so worth it!
Alyzabeth's Mommy for One Year
You and I haven't met, but you are breaking my heart! I found you on Catherine's blog... I'm another mom from Ontario recently home with my China girl. I have a suggestion for you that I know you've likely heard before, but nevertheless... If you'd at all consider "jumping ship" e-mail me: diane.rundle@rogers.com
I remember many of those "I remember" moments. The saadest is the loss of faith. All my best to you.
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