Well today is our 10 month LID anniversary. It has been 22 months since we started on THIS path to create our family.
It is a long time.
I am fed up.
I know I should be happy that I am this far along, but I am not.
Are we EVER going to get there?
Sometimes it really doesn't feel like it. Actually, the adoption doesn't feel real.
We ran around and filled out all sorts of paperwork. We got poked and prodded. We got letters, interviewed and judged, we made our homes super clean and attained approvals and then nothing...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Unfortunately for us, our LID always seem to fall around the time that another PITIFUL referral batch is released. It really doesn't bode well for our enthusiasm for this process.
I know that there are people in this program who are behind us and are thinking - What does SHE have to bitch about - I wish I was at 10 months...I know they think that because I used to think that too...not so much anymore.
There are parents who are out there who already have their children from China who try and tell us that THEY know what we are going through. They might have had to wait 10 months for their referral and/or they might have had to wait a few months for the SARS thing to blow over. There was ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel for them. At this point, I can't even see the tunnel, let alone the light that may or may not be at the end of it.
There is NO WAY that they can have ANY idea what it is like for someone with a December '06 LID. I can't even get a straight answer from our agency about when APPROXIMATELY our referral might come. What we have been told has been changed and lengthened more times then I care to repeat.
When we started, our agency told us if we started right then (January '06), we would have our baby by July '07 YUP - that is what they said. That is what pulled us in. That is what kept us in. Well July '07 has come and gone and we are not any closer to our baby - IF WE ARE LUCKY, WE MIGHT HAVE A BABY BY JULY '10.
I would also like to say Happy 10 months to our friends and travel mates Dolores & Shawn!!
There is an upside to the super long wait - and that is the people that we have connected with. That is the only thing that is keeping us going. This community is so great and so supportive and we are VERY happy that we have found ourselves here - otherwise I fear it might have been in a rubber room...
41 comments:
I know. I hear ya. Its scary and it sucks. I did go through SARS which was different because we thought our babies and us were going to be infected and die in China....but we still would have gotten to meet them.
This is different and scarier. There is uncertainty. The thing that calms me slightly is that they are still plodding along, matching about the same number of babies, if not the same number of LIDs.
Why would they bother to review our files (I just made it through review) if they aren't going to match us? That's a teeny, tiny glimmer of hope. Isn't it?
P.S. Sorry about the recent pumpkin massacre at my home.
;-p
I know....this sucks. Will it ever happen?? And yet...you're now at 'double digits' -- a milestone of sorts.
See you soon!!
Cari
I feel it too.
There is a wind of sadness blowing through the blogs. We all seem to be getting fed up at about the same time. Or maybe it's just hitting us hard right now. Here's my theory. We're on the cusp of the holiday season imagining another one without our girls...and it's sending all of us into a depression. I think that's it exactly.
Hang in there. And feel free to vent all you want. We get it.
You've made it to the double digits. Thank God for friends that get it. XO
I'm sorry you're feeling it so much with the lousiness of the wait right now. It stinks.
Someday..
Happy 10!
Hello from Alberta! I'm right with you Michelle. Know that I'm thinking about you and in total agreement with everything you've said. ((HUGS))
Sorry, using Shawn's computer, it's Dolores on the previous comment.
It's bad for sure...but hang in there. 10 months down that you won't ever have to redo!
Congratulations! Today is our 8 month LIDiversary.
(((hugs))) friend. This wait is T-O-U-G-H right now. Holding on to hope that it will happen...eventually!
Love ya!
God, it completely sucks that LID anniversary posts have become occasions to bitch instead of celebrate (and rightly so, believe me)! The uncertainty is freaking maddening.
Oh Michelle, I am so sorry, so very sorry. I well understand, I have no clue when I will be a mom now and have no clue where the tunnel is.
I am thinking about you.
I'm so sorry these LID's are not celebrated but endured. Wish I could take away all of your frustration and hurt about this incredibly long line we're all standing in. It just plain sucks.
But, I can't leave without saying that you're 10 months closer, not further, from your child.
I hear you...believe me I hear you. I wish I had something profound to say...at least we have the rubber room to go into together. :)
Happy 10 month LIDiversary!
These are tough times for so many of us. Right now I don't think it matters if you are 2,8,10, 18, or more months into this process it still stinks.
I worry about it. Pray that we will one day get to meet our daughter. There are times when a little voice deep down inside tells me to start preparing to never be a mom. (No I don't hear voices, I'm just trying to make a point.) :) I do wonder sometimes if it will ever really happen. Everyone keeps telling me it's worth it in the end, there is a reason for the wait, don't think about it... The list could go on. For now we wait.
Congrats for hitting the double digits. We're all in this together! One snail-pace month at a time.
On the plus side, you hit double numbers...
I am sorry this sucks for all of us. It really doesn't get easier. It just makes us either numb or pissed.
Oh I so know how you feel, this wait is draining every ounce of my patience...and I didn't have much to start with!
You made it to double digits. I will be there soon!
Smiles! :o)
Nikki
Double digits!
I got nothing else...you know what I have to say on this and there are some bad words.
As you said, the best part of the wait is meeting and making great friends.
Keep smilin!
I am reading about so much saddness and frustration with the long waits on everyones blogs. I almost feel quilty commenting, as if I don't have a right to comment as I am past the wait and have my child home with me...but know that those of us that do, still feel your pain in longing for your child...as we have at one time also felt it. Again, all I can say is that once you get that referral and have your "pumpkin" home with you, all this pain will be so worth the result.
*HUGS*
Happy 10 Months...
I know the wait is long.. We are only at 5...
But look at it in a positive way...
One day you will have this pretty little girl in your arms..
I just look at it like that..
Or I would drive myself crazy..
Have a Great Day..
Keep your chin up..we are all in this with you..
Kim
You're right about the wait...there is really NO way that people who've gotten their babies already truly understand. I had to wait 14 months, and it got really hard towards the end, and now people have to wait twice that. I think I'd be a basket case.
Once when I was a little girl, my parents took us to Disney World and the line was LONG, LONG, LONG. When we were about half-way through it, my little sister looked back, and said, "Well, at least we're not behind ourselves." At least you've got 10 months in!
You're right Michelle, we CAN'T know exactly how you guys feel with these extended timelines, but when we say we know how you feel, we mean we can empathize with how it felt to wait without having any control over the situation whatsoever.
Wish we could tell you exactly when to expect to receive news, but we just can't. If only we had a crystal ball to fix this for everyone! Believe me, this has thrown the agencies for a loop too; honestly. No one saw this coming.
I won't even give you any cliches right now because I know you're all sick of hearing them. I just wish I could tell you something to make it all better.
yup.........it sucks the worst possible way
those who have "been there"
have never had to deal with the fear that the country will close.
sucks
I was told I'd have my kid by last mothers day
Oh Michelle, I wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug and Olivia could give you a sloppy kiss. There is nothing anybody can say to make it feel better. It's only us the ones who have been there or are there that really knows how it feels. Everybody says, oh it will all go away once you get your baby. You certainly do have a different feeling, but I truly do remember how the wait drove me insane and thought it would just never happen.
Hang in there hun,
Deb
Just keep hanging on. It will happen. You just have to believe it even when it stinks. I know how hard it is. Please call me or e-mail me or whatever if you want to. Dolores and I ar thinking of playing hookey one day. Want to join us??
Happy 10 months ...I'm sorry it has to be marked with such sadness for you. I have to echo Liz's sentiments. We will continue to wait along with you and offer our support.
The "Wait" is one mean, stressful beast. We keep trying to figure out how much longer before our referral and each month we feel as though we are caught up in the Groundhog Day movie...
Still, here's hoping you can celebrate your 10 month anniversary!
Peace
fm
You so eloquently said what I am feeling. Thank you.
I just wish we knew for sure that it WAS going to happen.
keep your head up michelle, i cannot begin to understand your journey as mine was quite different, but your day will come....make the most of the time you have right now as your will never get that time back again...
Happy 10...like Cari said, at least it is now double digits.
It bites.
I think we are all feeling the strain..all around the world.I think its because people are hitting the two year wait soon and we know that we will probably be the three year wait people..which is hard to think we have another two christmas periods to go through!
I'm not sure that many will continue this path and thats what I think the CCAA want..people to give up.I think its the winter months of Jan to March that will be difficult next year.
Heh,lets live for today and hope for the future.I think us bloggers who survive and last will have a unique bond and if our health keeps and we are strong..we'll be ok.
Hang in there!! Remember that every day that goes by you are closer than the day before.
Hugs
Julie
Girl, all I can say is.... DITTO.
Hugs to you, I totally understand.
I do understand what you're feeling. No, I did not have your wait we were 16 months before we met our daughters and held them in our arms. But I was a mess to the point of medication. True. As a first time older mother and barely slipping under the wire with hopes of being matched with an infant you betcha I was a basket case. Ask Sen or my fh. I wanted to experience it all. It wouldn't have mattered if it were 4-10-18 or 24 month. Everyday without our children in our arms is unbearable. I'll never as long as I live forget the pain of knowing my children spent the first 9 months of their precious lives in an orphanage and without me to love them. We are here for you.
I feel your pain.....
We are with you on the journey making the best out of a heart wrenching situation.....
Happy 10 months...
Ok, first, happy 10 months!
Second, I have to say that I secretly could ditto your entire post. I say secretly because I'm trying to keep my big mouth shut about the wait (it's not really working...lol). Oh, and don't go read my post from today - my fuzzy math says that we'll get a referral in April of 2010.
Happy 10 anyway girlie! Double digits!
Yeah, it sucks. There's really nothing else I can add. For me, nothing good has (yet) come from the whole China process. I hope someday that corrects itself.
Had to check in with you hun. Just remember its your month. You named her "little pumpkin" after all!!!!
Smile chickie and head up
Deb
Well, we have all entered the double digits. Happy (said with a straight face) 10!!
Post a Comment