I was out recently with a married friend. While we were out, she mentioned that he husband ‘bought’ her an outfit for the baby. She also mentioned that a couple of weeks prior, he had paid for the groceries because she was low on cash. I have seen married couples go to a restaurant and each pay for their own. All these things are different then what Mark and I do or how we handle our money.
This lead me to thinking, how do couples handle their finances. Do couples have HIS and HERS money? Does a certain percentage – based on what is earned – go into a communal pot? Is a set amount put in a joint account each payday? Is one partner responsible for this, this and this, while the other is responsible for that, that and that?
It intrigues me to learn how and or why other couples handle things the way they do.
Mark and I have one pot. It all goes in the one pot. Yes we have savings and pay bills etc, but the money that comes in is OURS. We discuss large purchases before they are made, but otherwise, we both spend what we want to spend. That said, we are basically both on the same wavelength about what we will spend our money on. Neither of us is going to go crazy and spend a bunch on money on anything. If I want to go out for lunch or dinner with friends, then that is what I do. If he wants to pitch in for a gift for someone at work, then that is what he does. It all basically works out. We don’t keep track of who spent what.
What do other couples out there do? Please feel free to answer anonymously if you don’t want to be identified.
I would LOVE to hear how others do it.
13 comments:
We pretty much do the exact same thing you do. One bug communal pot. We discuss big purchases first and usually go together to buy them. With my husband being unemployed now for 5 months we have had to cut down our personal spending to almost nothing and we discuss EVERY purchase. Seriously. I had to buy a new bra and discussed it with him first so he could know why I was spending $35.00 at the department store. When we were both getting paid that wouldn't be something we discussed ahead of time :)
Ummm........I meant "big". Not "bug". Typos. Hate them.
When we were first married, we each had our own accounts and separated the bills and rent into halves. As soon as we built our house (in 2000) we merged all accounts. Now, we are exactly like you and Mark and I wouldn't have it any other way. I was much more "worried" about giving up that independence I felt I had with my "own" money, but soon realized that my independence has nothing to do with that at all.
We too have one pot to draw from. Sometimes there isn't much in there but it's all one pot. We opened up our joint account a week or so after we got engaged and it's been that way ever since.
We have a pot. But we give each other a set amount of money that is just ours for two weeks. If we go out to dinner, usually one of us pays out of that set amount, but we have been seen to split bills so we each aren't out a whole lot.
Same as you here.
We are very free and just discuss big purchases like new computer, vacations etc...
I could spend a lot but I don't need to.
We have one big pot too. It's our money, and every big purchase is decided upon and agreed upon before buying. I have a household "budget" that basically I am in control of. That's so we don't have to worry about the "niggly" stuff. I like to have the budget and I work within it, but I do my own thing with that. (i.e. clothing for the family, etc.)
Our system is both simple and complex. We have our joint money, which is where most of it goes. Each week we each get a set allowance for personal spending money - mad money, you might say. It's nice, because there's never a question about how we spend our money. The big stuff is talked about. Stuff for both of us, including dinners out, is from joint. But eating lunches out (we both work), iced coffees, clothes above and beyond necessity, or whatever we just want, comes out of the personal money. No questions asked. We also buy gifts for each other out of personal money, but gifts for other family & friends out of joint.
Us like you...joint lives, joint $.
Keep smilin!
joint joint joint
We did it when we were engaged and 8 years later...
Now in conversation I may say hubby 'bought' me something. Which means he took the card out of his wallet to pay for it.
And he gets a huge kick when I tell him I am 'taking' him to dinner and I take my debit card out of my purse.
It is still the same account.
We're very much like you both. All our accounts are joint. When we bought our house before we got married everything became joint.
We too discuss the big purchases together and don't go crazy spending either.
We do what you do. When we started this journey 16 years ago, we were pretty much on an even playing field. We both had very little. Very little money. Very little debt. We share everything and like you, discuss big purchases (anything over $250.00) before we do it.
everything goes into one pot...we are lucky too as we are on the same wavelength for spending...we discuss large purchases etc...we do have a little mad money each week...that way when we buy something for one another, it actually is a treat because it does not come out of our account...nothing worse than receiving a present and then getting the credit card in the mail and having to pay for it (i do all of the banking and budgeting)
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