For those Waiting Parents out there…
Do you ever get the impression that:
You don't have a brain.
That your opinions don't count.
That you can't POSSIBLY know how to handle a situation involving kids.
Do you get the 'you won't say that when you have your own'.
Or the 'Just you wait'.
And just the general overall feeling that you have nothing to offer when there is a situation involving kids…
There was one time that I was with a group of people and we were talking about kids and this one woman turned to me and asked how old my kids were. I said I didn't have kids. She literally turned her back to me and didn't address me or acknowledge me for the rest of the event.
This is just one example but there are MANY situations - both from friends and family alike…
I just don't even know how to put into words how that all makes me feel. It is a horrible feeling and I am sure (I hope) that the people making me feel this way don't even realize what they are doing or saying.
I'd just like to point out that I am QUEEN of biting my tongue when other people's kids are involved. I don't say anything UNLESS they are asking me about it, the kids are going to hurt themselves or the kids are in my home.
I want to scream at all these people and say - don't you think I wish I had my kids too.
Then there is the group of people who say things like:
Enjoy your freedom now - you won't have any when you have kids
Travel now - you won't be able to when you have kids
Get your socializing in now - you won't be able to do it when you have kids
Do you want my kids for a night - that will curb your desire of wanting to have kids
I want to scream to these people: Do you not think that I want to experience these things for myself and decide home much we are going to do with our kids. Where we are going to travel as a family and perhaps, don't you think that I am MORE THEN READY to EXCHANGE my 'freedom' (I hate when people say that because it implies that your children are a 'chore' - I like spontaneity) for parenthood.
AAGGGHH!!!
Venting on this topic completed...for now!
BTW - I am good now with the meds - all is well!!
25 comments:
That is why we have our blogger friends, cos we get it. Even though I do have Lily now I was in your shoes forever and the comments regarding the adoption are just as demeaning.
So glad the meds are working and you are no longer itchy scratchy and uncomfortable.
Michelle you just hit the nail on the head. I'm so tired of hearing those stupid comments, especially the one "Are you sure about this?". That one really ticks me off.
Man, I hate those comments too. Someone who has a two-year old (wasn't expecting it) is now unexpectedly pregnant again and actually told me she's not that happy because she didn't want a second one already (she's only 19 or so). Then she jokingly says, wanna adopt mine? Do these people not ever think before speaking??
I'm not a waiting family so maybe I'm not allowed to comment, but YES - I do remember getting those stupid stupid STUPID comments, and have to admit that I have probably made some myself - my apologies if I have!!! Thanks for the reminder.
Whenever someone would complain to me about their kids, I'd be screaming inside "I WISH I had those complaints, so shut up!!!!!!"
OMG - the situation you mentioned when a woman asked you how old your kids were, and then turned her back on you when you said you didn't have any...I had the EXACT same thing happen to me. I so remember that awful pit-of-my stomach feeling!!! How I'd LOVE to run into that woman today - adoption has made me a tad "spunky" shall we say...I'd love to give her a piece of my mind! She made me feel lower than low. Bitch.
I hear ya! I also hate when parents take their kids for granted and the ease they have in having a family. If more people had to go thru what we did to get to this point and the wait, they would be singing a different tune about their kids.
Hugs!
Keep smilin!
I have heard LOTS of those things myself..in the years and years I had without children. Waiting so long has made me a better person, though, AND a better mom. I am profoundly grateful for every moment that so many others take for granted...I don't fuss about poopy diapers, waking up to soothe tears at 3 a.m., or holding my baby so long that my arms ache. I LOVE being a mom!!! For me, in many ways, I'm so glad I had to wait so long...and go through so much...so I could truly appreciate it this much!!! Hang in there!
GREAT post... and I hear you on every point. I'm like, "I WANT to go places with my girl, I WANT to share my life with her-"... not to say it isn't work and sacrifice, or that sometimes I might be wishing for a moment's peace during a stressful week (I'm not stupid, it can be hard)- but I WOULD NOT TRADE IT for ANYTHING.
Take my freedom fools. I want my kid!!
Hey, sweetie- for the record, I don't believe that people who haven't experienced something cannot empathize with others. It is true that sometimes those who have never had kids don't really "get some things", but does that mean they don't have anything to say about it? I should think not. I would hope that I wouldn't judge someone as "unworthy" of an opinion just because they haven't experienced JUST what I have. I hate it when people say that.
Get it all the time, and have had it up to HERE...
Totally agreed...
cb
Yup. All of the above.
I wish I could give you a hug - I've been there. For some reason, I haven't gotten much of this lately. Maybe "people" have gotten it out of their systems? Or maybe I'm getting better with my one-liners on the subject?? Hugs, you.
just think - when pumpkin arrives, you'll know what not to say to others, and they will really, really appreciate that! Hang in there, your day will come -- and you WILL be able to travel, go out, etc.
Yep BTDT. Now that I am on the other side of the fence I never say those things. I also never ask anyone either why they don't want/have kids and I never ask anyone if they are pg or going to get pg.
When we were ttc whenever someone offered me their kids I would accept. They always got this look on their face like "she does know I am kidding right?".
When one acquaintance offered me her kids three times in one evening I offered to write down our social workers phone number. Surprisingly she refused, but at least she stopped offering.
Awesome post! I'm there -- I'm so tired of people saying to me "Are you SURE you want to have kids?" (3 times in one day, from 3 separate people). My problem is that I don't bite my tongue with these people. I've been known to say things like "I can't wait until I have your problems" or "don't complain about what you have -- you're a lucky person". I'm sure everyone loves that!
Cari
Let it all out!
I'm completely sick of stupid comments as well...
I prefer you people to my real life people lately
Even when you have kids the stupid comments don't stop!
I am hoping most of the time people just do not realise what they are saying.
I have even had plenty of comments about I should make the most out of how easy one is instead of two...(ok insert sarcastic voice)of course that made ALL the difference to the long wait!
Michelle I know what you mean. While waiting for K my supervisor at work became pregnant after she found out we couldn't. Up to that point she never wanted kids. During her two pregnancies while we waited for K she would constantly refer to how hard it was to have kids, the loss of freedom and then would finish off with the statement of, "Oh yeah you wouldn't know about that cuz you can't get pregnant." Some people are just stupid and others are just mean.
Now that we have Kaileigh and are waiting for Sienna people feel they have the right to ask why we want to go through all that again with a baby. Sigh.
Hang in there girl. You'll be wearing your clothes with spit-up on them like a badge of honor, while looking like you haven't slept and you won't give a rip soon.
I hear you honey. I had a very dear friend say to me "you know, you can't take them back"! Like they were a puppy or something. AND to imply that I was some immature stupid person...
Great post!
I'm sorry this happens. I really hope I'm not one of those "stupid" parents. I love my kids to death and although it's not alway easy, I try not to take them for granted. I'm sorry you're going through this frustration . . . as if you haven't been through enough. You're so sweet and don't deserve that. Hang in there my friend.
k
Great post and I'm sure rings true for many of us. L
OMG! YES! YES! These things drive me nuts and they have all happened. I want to scream, Lady (or Gentleman), do you really think that after 42.5 years without children I need to see another movie or sleep in one more morning??? And do you really think your talking back 7 year old is going to dissuade me from wanting kids? Because seriously, would you hand yours over?? Sheez...
you hit the nail.
People are more annoying than ever during the wait. There is no solution to that.
vent away and drink often.
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