Another Year

Yet another year has passed on the calendar - and in our wait as well.

Apparently, while I wasn't looking, we passed our 4 year LID. I can say that I don't give our adoption much thought these days. It doesn't seem real and I honestly don't believe that it will happen for us.

We have a 'bail out' date in our mind and unless things change and speed up quickly, we are not going to make it. I think that waiting 8 years for an adoption is ridiculous and we won't be waiting that long.

There are so many things we did wrong during the preparation for this adoption. So many questions that we didn't ask and so much misinformation we got from our agency. If we were to do it all over again, we wouldn't.

Apparently I am a little bitter today...

On that note, I wish the one or two remaining readers that I have a Happy and Healthy New Year! May the wishes you have for you and your family be realized.

Until next year...

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed is how I am feeling these days. There is so much on my plate and some days I think I am going to break.

I recently 'received' a new project at work. It is something new and unfamiliar to me with a huge learning curve and I am trying to grasp my head around it. It is important and I am nervous. I don't do nervous well. It isn't often that I feel like this. Of course all my previous duties are still the same at work, this is just added on top of it.

I am not at the 'dread' stage, but certainly overwhelmed.

Home life is crazy right now too. With Christmas on the way and shopping, wrapping etc. my brain is full - over full really and I don't know that I can put anything else inside of it.

I am over half way through the shopping. I have more to go and LOTS of wrapping and delivering to do before I will start to be able to breathe again.

There are other things going on in my life right now too that take both time and brain power.

I KNOW it will get better, but right now I am not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel...soon, I hope soon!

OPPS!!

Today at work I was working away and using "PASTE" in our computer program at work. I was doing some mindless work going from one item to the next. I took a little break and looked at some e-mail and then I copied one of the e-mails to use in a blog post. Then I went back to work doing my mindless task. Well...I ‘pasted’ the e-mail/blog post into the work computer program and hit COMMIT. It is done – DONE!!

There is no deleting it! That was the ‘beauty’ of this new system – there are no deletes EVER. If you make an error you do another entry and say that the last entry was an error.

Not quite sure what to do about a ‘blog post’ entered as an entry in error. Anyone who looks at that item from here until the end of time will be able to read what I wrote...

OPPS!!

Laughing

Go here and read the post dated today.

I am still laughing!!

Stuff

Today when I got home from work there was a UPS truck outside of my door. I quickly jumped out of the car because I didn't want him to have knocked on the door and driven away as there was no answer.

We arrived at the door at the same time. I called out to him that I was there and he handed me the two packages.

I came inside, put them down and didn't think about them again. Tonight when I was tidying up, I saw the packages again. They had all sorts of bar codes on them. I then thought about the bar code reader app that I had installed on my new toy. I decided to get it out and see what the reader would say.

Up until this point I had scanned bottles of water, packages in the cupboard etc. So I thought this would be a real test.

I scanned the bar code and it took me to a web page for UPS and and there was a delivery receipt saying that the package was "Left with the Lady".

It is a small thing, but I thought it was cool.

That is about all that is on my mind right now. Well not really, but that is all I am going to share at this particular moment!

New Dinner

I am the cooker in the family. I plan, shop, cook and sometimes clean up. Husband and I have a menu plan and that has certainly helped, however, making the weekly menu is torture for both of us.

Last week Husband was away at a conference. At this conference they were giving away calendars with recipes on them. Husband came home wanting to try this one so I thought I would give it a try.

First off it says total time - 20 minutes - cooking and prep. It was much longer than that. That said, if my kitchen was a bit bigger and I could just push things aside and deal with them later, perhaps it would be quicker.

Anyway...Here is my Asian Bok Choy Stir Fry!!

The Ingredients

The Sauce

The Meat (I forgot to picture it while it was cooking)

Bok Choy and Garlic cooking

Adding Snow Peas

Adding the Sauce

Putting it together with the meat

The Finished Product!

It wasn't bad. Husband enjoyed it more than I did. I am sure it will end up on the menu at some other time.

Memory

At work I have a locker in the change room that I used when I went to the gym – DON”T LAUGH!!! I haven’t used the locker in…a while.

I really didn’t even know what was the in the locker as it has been so long.

The “been so long” part was a problem. I had absolutely no recollection of what the combination was for the lock – NONE, nope, nada. That was about 2 years ago.

Last week, I was walking down the hallway at work and the combination for my lock just popped in my head – JUST LIKE THAT!! I don’t know where it came from or even if it was the right combination. I headed over to the locker room and after trying a few different locks (as I couldn’t ‘quite’ remember which locker it was either) BOOM – It opened!!

I was actually quite stunned that it opened and then excited to see what was in there – or not excited if it was stinky gym clothes from a couple of years ago. The excitement didn’t last long. There was nothing to get excited about in there. I kept repeating the combination over and over in m head until I got back to my desk so that I could write it down.

Funny thing about memory, I can still remember my high school locker combination like it was yesterday... 7-57-34

Memories

When I was little I remember the 'little' bird around all the time. They were kind of a mousy brown and hopped around. I later discovered that they were called Chickadees. They were so cute and so small and EVERYWHERE!! I don't however remember the black and white ones as shown here in this picture.

As you get older, your focus changes on things. I suppose I didn't notice the little birds anymore. I am sure that they were there, I just didn't notice them or pay attention to them.

Life goes on and then it doesn't.

In October 2001 my dad died. It was very sudden and very unexpected and he was far too young. His wishes were to be cremated. We honoured those wishes. There is a cemetery not far from here that has scattering grounds. A lovely wooded ravine type area. There is a platform built that juts out over the ravine. From here is where you can scatter the ashes of your loved ones. This is what we chose to do for my dad.

As the ashes were being scattered and the tears were rolling down my face I saw a bunch of little tiny birds exactly like the one pictured above. I don't remember noticing them before - with this colouring. But there they were - LOTS of them happily flitting around. Now every time I see one of those birds, I think of my dad.

My brother

My brother is wonderful. He is sitting beside me and making me say this.

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Long Week

This had to have been the longest week ever. You know it is going to be a long week when on Monday I kept thinking it was Thursday. Again on Tuesday I thought it was Thursday.

When Thursday actually arrived, I thought it was Friday...sigh...

Friday finally did arrive though and it was a long day at work and to make everything so much better, I developed a cold just in time for our long Thanksgiving weekend!


Speaking of Thanksgiving, we have THREE dinners planned for the weekend and I don't have to cook any of them!!


Speaking of cooking we have implemented menu planning - we do one week at a time. I am sure many of you have been doing this forever, but this is new for us and it has been working out really well for us. I will make up the menu and the grocery list on Sundays and then shop for everything I need for the week. We have been eating better, wasting less food and emptying out our cupboards and fridge.


Speaking of shopping, I get really irritated when I find expired things on the shelf. Aren't the stocking people supposed to rotate the stock?? I am generally very good at checking the dates in the store, but sometimes one slips by me and I don't notice until I am home.


Speaking of home, I would love to stay in my pj's for the whole weekend snuggled under the BEST blanket in the world and get better. I will just take things slow and easy and enjoy the family time that we have.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

46...

I wasn't going to acknowledge these LID's anymore - I really wasn't. However, for some reason, this month it has been on my mind a lot.

Probably due to yesterday's post.
Probably due to blogging again.
Probably due to the summer being over and us saying we would make a long term decision.
Probably due to sending an e-mail to Dolores yesterday.
Probably due to the fact that after 46 months, how can you NOT think about it.

I will endeavor to forget again...

WHAT??

Yesterday when I was going through my Google Reader, there was a post from RQ. Generally I just glance at the title of the post and move on. Yesterdays post was titled PROJECTIONS. Again, I generally don’t click on the link and move along. Yesterday I clicked.

You can imagine my surprise when I saw OUR LID there on the screen! I was shocked. This is a first (I think ) and to say I was stunned would be an understatement. So according to RQ, a ‘good’ scenario would be that we would receive our referral in December!! WHAT?? Of course, we all know that that is NOT going to happen, but I was still shocked to see our date there.


Image courtesy of Rumor Queen

In my head I am still thinking a few years will pass before we see our referral and at that point we will decide if this is still something that we want to pursue. Things change, life changes and a 5 or 6 year wait was not something that we counted on. We have gone forward with our lives and are not in the same place that we were in January 2006 when we started this journey.

We don't know what the future will bring - we didn't think that things would happen as they have so we won't think too much of the future. We will continue to take one day at a time that we have been doing for the last four years.

How Many...

Sitting at dinner tonight I was facing the window and watched the leaves rain down. Every time the wind picked up there were more and more leaves falling. They were blowing and swirling and falling and going everywhere, including the BBQ while I was trying to cook.

It got me thinking - how many leaves are there on a tree? Seriously, how many?? Thousands?? Hundreds of thousands? I have no idea what kind of tree is in my yard – I know it is not oak or maple or elm but that is about all I know about it. I know I could Google it, but why?



My back deck is covered with leaves, the grass is covered with leaves, there are leaves EVERYWHERE and yet, the tree doesn't look like it has lost any leaves.



Aren’t you glad I started blogging again??

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Testing

Testing from my new phone

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Things on my mind

• If your shoes are too heavy, get lighter shoes rather than dragging your feet.

• How come the grocery store never has the bananas at the right ripeness for our purchase?

• How do you know when a pomegranate is ripe?

• My favourtie Montrealers are in town.

• I bought myself a new toy.

• I should post more pictures.

• Family is who you say it is.

• I don't know where all this blogging urge has come from.

• I am happy the new TV season has started - favourite new show so far (I have only watched 2) Hawaii Five-O

• Girls weekend this weekend!!!

Thats about it for me right now - there are more things on my mind, but not that I am going to post here.

AAAHHHH

I have been playing around with my blog and I shouldn't do such things...

This is going to be a work in progress while I learn HTML and how to change things...

Bear with me.

Blogs

Since I have renewed my interest in blogging - well posting really. I have always been reading blogs, just not commenting on very many.

However, my blog list is a bit...lacking. Over the years some have gone private, some have closed their blog, some are just not my taste anymore and various other reasons.

So tell me - what blogs do you read. They don't have to be adoption blogs but I would love to add some blogs to my Google Reader.

Please share...

Neighbours

Neighbours...Sigh...

We have a neighbour - well many of them. This particular neighbour of which I speak is driving me nuts. Well not really them, but their car.

Their car you ask?

It seems in the last couple of weeks, their car horn has a mind of its own. The horn arbitrarily honks - actually honks is a very mild word - it is more like SCREAMS at any time of day or night.

This morning I was LOUDLY awoken by their horn at 6:45am. NOT NICE! The other night it was 3:15am. This one had me slamming on the alarm clock thinking it was telling me to get up. There have been 11:25pm er's and 4:15pm er's. These are just ones that I have been home for and kept track of. Who knows how many others their have been that I haven't been around for.

Tonight at 7:30pm the horn was blaring again. I-HAD-HAD-ENOUGH! I marched over to their house and rang the doorbell and waited. I rang the doorbell again...and waited. They didn't answer the door!! WHAT?? I KNOW that they are home.

Next step - ambush them out by their car!!

I don't think I am being unreasonable with being woken up on NUMEROUS occasions but something MUST be done or my sanity will suffer - well suffer more than it has in the last little while!

Have you ever...

Have you ever thought how great it is that you don't have any nerves in your elbows?

Have you ever thought how the trees know to change their leaves?

Have you ever wondered how planes get off the ground and stay in the air?

Have you ever wondered where wind comes from?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if they shut off Niagara Falls?

Have you ever wondered how a childs body knows to shed baby teeth and start adult teeth growing?

Have you ever wondered how some people get their drivers licences?

Have you ever wondered why some people are so incredibly horrible?

Have you ever wondered why you connect with some people and others not at all?

Have you wondered what happened to me and why I am suddenly blogging again?

Today

Today on the way home from work I noticed that some of the trees were starting to change. How did that happen. It is still officially summer for another week however, someone forgot to tell the trees.

I am NOT ready for summer to be over. This must have been the fastest summer ever. We had such fantastic weather this summer and I enjoyed every minute of it. Well mostly every minute. There were some stretches of REALLY humid weather and I have the a/c bill to prove it.

The end of summer signifies that fall is here and fall is ever so quickly followed by winter.

I am not a fan of winter. I don't like the snow, I don't like the bitter cold, I don't like cleaning off the cars and warming them up, I don't like trudging through the slush, I don't like the super short days and I don't like the length of it - it seems to last forever.

The house that we are looking for and hoping to buy one day WILL have a two car garage - perhaps then, winter won't be quite as harsh.

Houses

Look at me - two posts in a week!!

Husband and I have been looking to move for a while now. The market here where we live is a busy one. We have put an offer in on a few houses and were outbid each time.

We are pretty picky on where we want to move - location is pretty much the only thing you can't change. There is not much available in the small area that we are looking. We will take our time and wait until we find what we want. Of course, if we increased our budget by $100K, so many more houses would be available to us. However, that $100K increase is NOT in the budget. Note to self - buy a lottery ticket.

Tonight we were watching an episode of House Hunters. I like to PVR it and race through the parts that I don't like. I don't care for the part when they are talking about what they do and don't like about the house. But that is neither here nor there.

This particular episode, the couple lived in Kansas City. I was SHOCKED that the cost of the houses were so low. Really shocked. They were looking at 3500sq foot houses and their budget was $300K. The houses were HUGE - REALLY HUGE!!

Husband wanted to up and move to Kansas City right there and then!!

Rest assured family - we are not moving, but I am continually amazed at the difference in property prices in different areas all around North America.

Back to the house hunt for us!

Hello

Hello from the random blogger.

I know I neglect this blog...No apologies.

Next topic - I was at work the other day and I was talking to someone that I don't normally talk to. He was yipping away and that was fine. He then told me that his wife was pregnant! YAY! I was happy for them. He asked if we were going to have any more children. I said I didn't know. I haven't told anyone at work about our adoption.

He then proceeded to tell me about his friend who adopted from China and all the crap that he had to go though and how it is all a money grab and it is a big conspiracy from China to get more money from North Americans. He said it is all about greasing palms and paying for the politicians.

My mind was racing. I was stunned really. I just didn't know what to say, so I said REALLY - he said yes this is what he found out from his friend. I said that I didn't think that that was how it really was and he was insistent that it was.

He was telling me how much it cost and there was no way that it should cost that much. I tried to say that I was sure that part of the cost included their travel to China. He didn't respond to that.

He then started that it was a baby buying scheme and that the Chinese don't want their girl babies and this is the best way to for them to get rid of them.

WHAT???

My phone rang at that moment and I was rescued. I honestly didn't know what to say to him. I have spoken to him before and he has strong opinions on everything and doesn't want to hear anything that anyone else has to say that contradict what he is thinking.

I just continue to be shocked that people are so narrow minded and they think they know so much about something that they know NOTHING about.

Amazement and Awe

Amazement and Awe – that is what I was feeling.

Today is the RIDE TO CONQUER CANCER. A 200km ride from Toronto to Niagara Falls. To participate, you have to agree to raise $2500 for the ride. If you have not raised the money, you will not be able to ride, or you will have to put the remainder of the money in yourself.

My sister decided last year to take on this challenge. As with most things, she does, there is no half way. It is all or nothing and she goes for the gusto.

Last July when she made the decision that she was going to do take on this challenge, she went out and bought a road bike, special shoes, a helmet, riding clothes, gloves and whatever else she was going to need to do this properly.

She started training and figuring out how to ride with her feet attached to the pedals. She set up a trainer in her basement for the winter so she could still use her bike. While at the same time she was thinking of ways to raise money. She was talking to her friends and family. She was sending e-mails and Facebook messages. She was organizing a garage sale from August 2009 to be held in May 2010. She made flyers, magnets and posters.

She started riding outside again in the spring. She would train on her days off doing rides, learning about hills and building her stamina. She progressively was able to do longer and longer rides.

Today was the test!

This morning at 6:20am, Husband was driving Sister and her friend downtown to the starting line. Their bikes had already been dropped off the night before. There was breakfast, team meetings and the opening ceremonies.

The ride started at 8:30. At about 9:30, Husband, mom and I headed to the ‘cheering station’. It is a part of the route that was designated for ‘cheering’ on the riders. We got there and found a spot at about 9:45am. As we were walking to the edge of the road and the cyclists were pedaling by us in droves, I was in AWE. The sight is something to be seen. It actually brought a tear to my eye as well as mom and Husbands eyes. I think my mouth was agape in amazement. It was really quite a sight seeing all those people peddling away.

We stood there and clapped at every single rider that passed us. There were 4000 people signed up for the ride. FOUR THOUSAND!!!! We stood there for over an hour cheering and clapping and supporting those who chose to do this.

Sister came by the cheering station and I had more tears in my eyes – as I do again as I write this – I am so incredibly proud of her – for so many things – making a decision, sticking to it, following through, going outside of her comfort zone and putting her body through to in the hopes of being able to help those who have been stuck by this terrible disease.

WAY TO GO SISTER!! I have never been so proud of you!!! We will be waiting for you and cheering for you as you cross the finish line!

Really??

You've got to be FRACKING kidding me!!!

There is a website out there - CHINA ADOPTION FORECAST that predicts, based on the previous patterns, when you can expect your referral.

The last batch of referrals - released this week - was for FOUR days. With 229 days from April 21, 2006 (current date they have processed up to) and our LID - the prediction is: MARCH 2015!!!

Only two months ago it was October 2013 - how quickly things can change.

This date means for us:
- An almost 9 year wait for our daughter - at this point in time.
- An extra $6000 (at this point in time) in fees from our agency
- Pretty much NO HOPE left that we will ever see her face
- A brain that just can't process this any more

Time for our thinking caps - do we want to stay in a program that is virtually dead? Do we believe that this will ever happen? Can we mentally keep our heads where they should be to see this through? Do we want to be that age that we will be when and if this ever happens to bring our daughter into our family? How much faith do we put in this website? How much faith do we put in the CCAA that they won't end the program? How much faith do we keep in the CCAA that they MIGHT speed up?

How much longer do we keep this portion of our life on hold for a dream that might never come true?

We are running out of faith quickly...

What Now...

Things just keep getting better and better financially with us over here!!

As you may recall from the previous post, our agency has demanded $1200/year to "maintain" our adoption file. Still a bit sketchy on what they need to do and the number of staff they need to do it but whatever...

And now, the condo that we live in has advised us of a special assessment that is required of each home to fix the water mains in the entire complex. The bill for that is $6000!! per unit.

Husband didn't get a raise this year with the economy and all. We are wanting to move to a new house - still are required to pay the $6000 before we do. Don't know if the move will ever happen now.

Expenses have increased and the money is flying out the window faster than ever before.

Our agency is going to have to wait for their money, else a lien will be placed against my house.

Things suck when you have to choose between a house and a family. However, if there is no house for the family to live in, what is the point?

Sorry for the bitchy post - I am in a bitchy mood!!

You Can't be Serious!!

In January 2006 we began our journey to our daughter from China.

During that time, there have been many ups and downs in relation to our adoption. As time went on, the ‘downs’ significantly outweighed the ups.

A while ago – maybe a year or two – our agency instituted a new fee that they called an ‘administration fee’. They ‘sold’ the fee by saying that things in China were slowing down and they needed the money to develop and look into new programs in international adoption. I was furious. I really don’t care about other programs, I care about MY program. This admin fee was used to keep my file active also. My file is sitting on a shelf in China and has been since December 6, 2006. I honestly don’t know what they are required to do with my file over there.

Whatever…

On Friday afternoon – at 3:38pm, we – and others from our agency – received an e-mail from the board of directors informing us that the ‘admin’ fee has just been increased by 500% to $1200/year – EFFECTIVE MONDAY!!

OH YES!!

SOOO – The cost has increased 500% in the last two years – who is to say that it isn’t going to increase another 500% in the next year or the year after. Who is to say an ADDITIONAL $20,000 later there will be a baby at the end. Who is to say that after our agency has bled us dry we will be afford to travel to China. Who is to say that after this blackmail and if it gets paid, our agency goes bankrupt what then?

I am LIVID – that doesn’t even seem to be the word that fits. With an anticipated five year wait still ahead of us, that is an additional $6000 - at THIS point in time - on an adoption that may or may not even happen!!!

There were no cost cutting measures added or included with the e-mail. No reductions in pay, no 4 day work week, no changing offices to pay less rent, no asking for volunteers instead of paying staff, no NOTHING – well except for the demand for money to cover whatever…

We can’t call and complain either, as they have been instructed (and this started a while ago) to not talk to clients if they get irate – they are told to hang up on us. They apparently don’t have to deal with the problems caused by anything.

So what happens to our file if our agency DOES go under? Anyone know? Right now I am not sure that I care about any of it anyway. Anyone else had additional fees instituted by their agency?

AAGGGHHHH!!!!

Six Years!

Six years ago today I said I DO to the most fantastic man in the world from there I became the luckiest woman in the world!!

We were married on a beach in Cuba and it was perfect. Today we celebrate our 6th anniversary in Florida (last year was Mexico)...I see a trend happening here...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY H!! You have made me one LUCKY and HAPPY woman!!

I LOVE YOU!!